Childfree Reflections

Archive for the ‘Childfree still need support’ Category

June 23rd, 2018 by Marcia Davis

Cruising With Childfree People!

Vacations are times most people hunger for. It’s potentially our time to enjoy life without the usual stresses, relax, maybe meet new people and have fun. As childfree people, many of us can afford to take vacations. (Although I know many can’t due to unemployment, caring for sick relatives, pets or facing personal health challenges.) For those who can afford vacations, some prefer the joys of constantly exciting experiences such as going to a Dude Ranch, hiking tours or travel to other countries. However, others simply want to veg out.

Now, I’ve found a new passion for my vacations. Cruising offers a bit of everything anyone could enjoy. You can have the fun/excitement of the tours in ports or indulge in the many activities on-board. Some ships offer free drinks for those who enjoy that. You can sit in a hot tub on deck, swim or read that book you haven’t had a chance to enjoy. However, cruising with childfree people is even more enjoyable. Being with like-minded friends is refreshing. That’s why I started NOKID Group Cruising three years ago.

It started when one of my followers from a Facebook support site I’m administrator of… vented about traveling and facing couples that either travel with kids or constantly talk about the kids they left home. She wrote, “I want to be with people who aren’t fixated on their kids or asking why I don’t want to parent! I get that all the time at home!”

I decided to get as much info as I could about cruising with the goal of having groups of childfree traveling together. The first trip was a cruise to Jamaica, The Cayman Island and Cozumel. My guest speaker was the inspiring author: Laura Scott, “Two is Enough!” Laura wowed us with her gentle ways of illuminating the joys and challenges of the Childfree lifestyle.

We met as a group at our first dinner on-board with 16 people. It was the start of sheer happiness for this cruising group. When one of the guests said, “Well, I guess I can’t ask how many kids do YOU have?” we all convulsed in laughter. It felt good. The rest of the trip, we allowed for individual preferences. Some wanted spa treatments. Others wanted to swim, sit in hot tubs, read those novels they didn’t have time to read at home, sun bathe or sleep on the days at sea. In ports, we went on shore excursions. Some banded together to be assured of not having kids with us. (I found a private tour group that only requested 12 to have our own van!) Of course, those who chose to swim with dolphins had a few kids from the ship with them but it didn’t seem to matter. Back on ship, we were there for each other.

Friendships were made. Some dined together. Others met at bars or joined the ship activities of free dance lessons, bingo or Karaoke. At night, we went to the theater as a group where we got in first because I arranged that for our group. After that, some went to the casino, danced on the top deck to the pulsating sounds of dance music or had a late night snack or drink together. Many heart connections are still felt years later!

So, I’m doing it again. This time, it’s the newest Norwegian ship, THE BLISS. I have Blair LaRae from Respectfully Childfree to share her success in how she formed an active meetup.com group in Texas. She’s the youth. I’m the older one. (LOL)

I started planning for this cruise last year. The pricing I got is not the pricing you find today. Truth be told, it’s higher. Although I repeatedly made attempts to reach people months ago, many didn’t take the opportunity to get lower prices. Now, this ship is here with rave reviews. I still have cabins…. but limited. They even have solo traveling cabins available but they may be limited too. Never–the- less, I’m still sharing this with you with the hope of finding a few more childfree people who want to be with us.I also got everyone FREE unlimited drinks and 4 specialty dining meals with those gratuities included.

I’m also working on a gala childfree large group to CUBA in 2020. If you want to get on the list once I know that itinerary is available, email me now at: NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com. I personally answer all inquiries.

For those screaming, “The Bliss” is not entirely childfree…you’re correct. However, I chose December 8-15^th. It’s too close to the holidays for parents to take their children out of schools! The CUBA cruise is a smaller ship of only 1900 people. If we share on all the CF sites, we could take it over. If not, it’s not an itinerary parents take their children! No dolphins to swim with! (LOL)

I look forward to welcoming you on board as your host whenever you can. It’s my joy and passion to connect hearts in friendship. This is the most often cry and need I hear from childfree people. Cruising as a childfree group may be the answer.

Hugs,

Marcia Drut-Davis

www.FAcebook.com/Confesionsofachidfree woman

PS: I noticed some words underlined in blue! They lead you elsewhere and I can’t seem to stop it!Just read past and let me know if you know how I can avoid this.

Tags: childfree, childfree travel, non-parents
Posted in Childfree Group Cruise!, Childfree still need support | 1 Comment »

December 27th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

The Joys of a Childfree Group Cruise

Our first of what we hope to be annual childfree group cruises, was a huge success. Fourteen people met as strangers and left as extended family members
It took me an entire year to plan this, find the right cruise line, and get Laura Scott our awesome guest speaker.
The highlights of the cruise, as shared by the people attending, was first… the choice in using Norwegian Cruise Lines. Thanks to K&E International Travel and visiting the actual ship, “The Getaway”, it was a good choice. They embrace the freestyle cruising idea meaning, no first and second seatings for dining, no requirement of jackets or dressing every night and tons of choices on board. The food, service, cabins and entertainment were stellar. The shore excursions were fun. (So was staying on -board when everyone got off!)
The next best thing was simply meeting each other. There were two days at sea to meet as a group. Laura Scott, Author of “Two IS Enough: A Couples Guide to the Childfree Lifestyle” and “The Childfree Documentary”, was a fabulous supporter of teaching how to handle the naysayers who incorrectly label childfree people as selfish or immature. We laughed at some role playing and felt empathy for those who are shunned by family or friends.
I shared my “60 Minutes” taping from 1974 where, “pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day” was heard by Mike Wallace. Sadly, it was agreed that not much has changed! Laura shared a piece of her documentary.
When we met to say good by, we all agreed that a memory of a lifetime was created. For some, they will no longer fear saying they are childfree by choice. For others, they still must fear their truths as their professions may be in jeopardy.
I’m already planning another adventure for December of 2016. It will probably be on the newest NCL ship, The Escape. We already have the first speaker, Jesse Nochols who is a MAN! If remotely interested, place your name on the NOKIDCRUISE@ gmail.com mailing list. It will be a first come, first served basis once I have the dates and cabins locked in. If you’re single, this cruise lines offers a single studio cabin! (Unheard of in other cruise lines.)

This site had been closed down due to a very bad hacking. It took months to get us back. We are back, proud and excited to reach your hearts.

Marcia Drut-Davis

Tags: childfree, childfree lifestyle
Posted in Childfree Group Cruise!, Childfree Labeling and Perceptions, Childfree still need support, Men and childfreedom, Uncategorized | No Comments »

January 30th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

I’m “Birthing” a CHILDFREE GROUP CRUISE!

You just read that right. All through last year, fighting cancer, I kept thinking when I won the battle of this awful disease, I wanted to meet the many childfree-by-choice people who have shown their love, support and gratitude. This is the opportunity I dreamed about. I’m working with a wonderful travel agency , K&E International, who got us a deal you can’t refuse!

The cruise leaves December 6-13, out of Miami, Florida to The Caribbean. It stops for a full day in a privately owned NCL island, the Cayman Islands, Jamaica and Cozumel.

Imagine being with like minded people who’ll never ask you, “How many kids to you have?” Or when you answer, will never say, “Why? or, “How selfish!”

The speaker we’re having on board is stellar in the land of the childfree: LAURA SCOTT, the author of, “Two Is Enough” will be with us!

What fun we’ll have not to mention the cruise line itself! It’s the luxurious NCL GETAWAY. It’s only one year old! You won’t believe it’s beauty and what it offers on board. The on-land excursions are guaranteed to be childfree as we have our own land agency for that! All stops on the itinerary offer a full day of fun unlike many cruise ships who only dock for a few hours!

If you’re interested …HURRY! Email me at:nokidcruise@gmail.com. Say you heard about this from my blog! I’ll attach all the exciting info. We only have a certain amount of of saved cabins at the price offered. We have more inquiries than cabins! All the cabins around me and Jim are already booked. ( Steve Harvey hawked this ship on a recent TV show with on-board videos!)

Much love to all. Hope to see you on-board and helping to make a memory we’ll long remember.

Marcia Drut-Davis

Tags: childfree, lifestyles, nokid cruise
Posted in Childfree Group Cruise!, Childfree still need support, Pronatalism/Policies exhaulting the status of birth., To parent or not to parent, that is the question., Uncategorized | No Comments »

August 18th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Reflecting on Lifetime Contributor Award to Childfreedom

hometownnewsPostedReceiving any award is always an ago boost. When I heard the International Committee for International Childfree Day (August 1, 2014) chose me for their inaugural “Lifetime Contributor Award”, I had mixed emotions.

Why wasn’t I honored as their, “Woman of The Year”? Did they give me this as a pity party knowing I faced cancer this year? Finally, the word “Lifetime” made me feel old!

Then I re-thought the whole thing.

It’s an honor! I’m proud and feel excited to be worthy of this first time recognition. When I think of the 40 years or more I’ve fought the battle against pronatalism, faced so much in losing a job and being called ” perverse” after being on “60 Minutes”, had to cross picket lines when I had speaking engagements and the loss of friends, I sigh. Thinking back, it was all worth it. (Well maybe not the loss of a job as my pension now reflects the years I couldn’t teach!)

People keep telling me the choice not to have or raise children is accepted now and there’s no need for all this support. Really? How I wish this was true. If you could read the daily letters I get telling me they thought there was something wrong with them because they had no maternal or paternal feelings, you would cringe. If you could see how many accolades I get for fighting the fight, you would be surprised. If you could hear how many face being shunned by their families due to this personal choice, you would know we have a long way to go.

Internationally, pronatal influences are epidemic to have children. Religious and cultural expectations make it one of the most important things anyone can do whether or not they are parent material or know any of the realities in what it takes to be an effective parent. Where are any support systems for the childfree lifestyle? Are they ever mentioned in any schools? No! But students are still seen carrying around hard boiled eggs in a basket to teach the responsibility of being a parent. (I can’t make this up!) Where are infertile people taught about choosing childfreedom as a viable and rewarding choice and not being a victim of the barren tsk tsk tsking society.

If you think not having/raising children is accepted, tell your friends and family you are not having children. You’ll probably still hear: you’ll change your mind, isn’t that selfish or why get married?

There may be a few who say, “That’s your own personal choice”. I feel proud of knowing that can happen and feel I had a part of raising the global consciousness.

We have a long way to go. As I age, I hope there are more to carry on and get this wonderful award. The more we feel safe and proud to say, “I’m childfree by choice”, the more children have a better chance of children being born or adopted into the lives of people truly aware of what it means to raise a child.

At 71, I can say, without a doubt, I have no regrets. Childfreedom is one of the sweetest, fulfilling lifestyles anyone can have. I’m proud to be given this award and vow to continue to fight pronatalism.

Tags: childfree awards, childfreedom, lifestyles
Posted in August 1st., Childfree Award, Childfree Labeling and Perceptions, Childfree still need support, Expectations of Gender, Infertility, Is a childfree lifestyle an acceptable, Parenting Education, Pronatalism/Policies exhaulting the status of birth. | 2 Comments »

May 7th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Mother’s Day In America 2014

Mother’s Day In America

By Marcia Drut-Davis

Before I share some heartfelt emotions, I want to honor those mothers, grandmothers and aunts who devote their lives to their children, grandchildren nieces or nephews. There are many deserving of adoration. How lucky for those children!

Sadly, in my opinion, the Mother’s Day celebration in America is another example of the dangers of pronatalism. It exalts the status of being a mother to something short of being a saint. Just the mere mention of the revered word “mother’ makes many swoon with love and joy. It discounts the many hearts hurting from abuse or indifference. It forgets those children who suffer from their mothers who were never parent material in the first place. It encourages more to get that title to become a part of societal or religious expectations so they can get the same attention.

We forget the damage to those facing infertility. They seem to view themselves as “less than” or barren. Look up the word “childless” in any thesaurus and see the negative words associated to infertile. Never are infertile people told about the sheer joy and freedom to live a childfree (not “less”) lifestyle. Never are they told how much they can give to themselves and humanity having more time to “mother” in other ways. It seems the only way is though a baby or child. Really?

How many women mother through their work? How many mother through being a passionate supporter of a green environment? How many mother as devoted neighbors to children whose moms may be forced to come home late? How many mother as concerned citizens volunteering in government, animal humane societies, Big Sisters or Guardian Ad Litem?

Until we, the childfree by choice, are given as much attention, adoration and accolades on International Non-Parents Day (which is August 1^st) there is no equality and no understanding of how wonderful, loving and nurturing we can be without having or raising children.

Marcia Drut-Davis is author of, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” on Amazon.com.

Tags: childfree, Mpther's Day
Posted in Childfree Labeling and Perceptions, Childfree still need support, Expectations of Gender, Infertility, Is a childfree lifestyle an acceptable, Pronatalism/Policies exhaulting the status of birth., Societal Responsibilities | No Comments »

November 29th, 2013 by Marcia Davis

Adoration For Recognising the Childfree Choice Never Gets Old!

Jim and I went to The Miami Book Fair last week-end. It was the first time I showed, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” to hoards of people walking past our booth. I learned a lot. I experienced many visceral reactions.

I learned and will never forget, there are too many people still under the misconception that not wanting to have children is a sign of a genetic mutation. I’ll never forget the young women who stood there, wide eyed and then hugged me after we spoke. Then there was a young couple, walking hand in hand who purchased the book, smiled and said they really needed to read and discuss it. Whatever there choice is, I wish them well. Sadly, I’ll never forget the woman who stood there and cried saying she wished she knew there was any choice before she had her son. It was too late for her now but remains in-printed in me as testimony why my memoir is important in a pronatal world.

The experience of that day inspired me to keep on keeping on. Seeing the growing number of “likes” on my facebook page, (facebook.com/ChildfreeReflections), getting more and more followers on Twitter and reading the glowing reviews on Amazon, adoring the book (except for one angry soul) is like devouring a hot fudge sundae and enjoying every minute, without guilt!

I also learned from now on I will only go to book clubs, specially selected events, or speaking engagements from all the wonderful support organizations for the childfree. When you are in a venue of over 200,000 people, many of whom are over 60, have already had kids or really interested in books of celebrities, it’s not worth going. However in saying that, those who bought the book were all worth the effort.

Are you interested in having me speak at any event?

Hugs,

Marcia

Tags: childfree, memoir, parenting edication
Posted in Adoration Without Guilt, Childfree still need support | No Comments »

August 31st, 2013 by Marcia Davis

What are the Childfree Hearing?

I recently asked my Facebook/Twitter followers what they’re hearing when they say they don’t want to parent. I asked that question because some of my own friends and family seem to feel it’s an accepted, respected choice now. (Forgive them. They know not what they say!)

These answers are the exact same answers I heard when I announced I never wanted to be a mother in 1974. Can you add more? I’m sure of it! Feel free to do that at the end of this post.

“You’re selfish/materialistic.”

“I’ve been told that I’ll never be a real woman. Some people who don’t know I’m married have said I will never find a husband. I’ve been told that I haven’t met the right person (and the one who said that even knew I was already married). Sometimes I’m just asked if my husband is okay with it. I’ve been told that I’ll never know real love. I’ve been asked why I bothered getting married. I’ve been told that as an intelligent person, I’m neglecting my duty to contribute intelligent children to society (as if intelligence was strictly genetic). I’ve had people imply that as a person who doesn’t love children, I am in turn unlovable. Essentially, I’ve had my humanity questioned. As an army wife, I’ve had a few people tell me that I will regret not having children if my husband dies in Afghanistan because I won’t have a piece of him. Army wives with children usually ask me how I can stand deployment being completely alone. I’m still trying to figure out how they can stand deployment as a single parent.”

“You’ll Change your mind”. Then I say… “But, I’m fixed”. They say, “You can always adopt!”

“You don’t know what you’re missing! #2: “You’re still young. You’ll change your mind someday. #3: “But who will take care of you when you’re old?!”

“You’re a disgrace to your kind! I can’t believe your mom had a child like you. She must feel sorry she had you.”

” I usually get asked why and how I came to my decision.”I never ask parents why and how they decided to have kids.

“But that’s what women were made for! The sad thing is that sometimes the same people keep asking, like I’m going to have changed my mind from the last time.”

“But you’d be a great mom! What are you afraid of?”

“Worst is the nasty little smirk & the singsong, “Things happen!” – basically wishing an unplanned pregnancy on someone is just plain wrong!”

“My personal favorite? God will send the babies. THEN what are you going to do?” She didn’t like it much when I said ,”Um… have an abortion?”

“Usually wide eyes and a bewildered, “What?? Why?””

“I am at a point where I’m sick of having to explain myself. No one asks a mother/father to explain themselves. It’s usually along the lines of “you will change your mind” or “you will regret your choice”. Um, just because you regret your choice to have kids, does not mean I will! Misery loves company, I suppose. Lucky for me, I don’t like a lot of people around me ha ha. Think it has to do with the fact my job involves working with people and all I want to do in my own time is be with my boyfriend or family.”

“I guess I don’t understand why this is a big deal to so many people. So what if someone doesn’t want children? I think to myself how does that affect your life..it’s a choice people make..just like choosing anything. Not everyone wants or even should have children!

From a parent: “By the way, people are like that when you only choose to have one child..<gasp> you’re going to raise an only child? How selfish not to give them a sibling!”

So dear friends and family who can’t believe the need for my book and support sites, these are but a few of the venting shared on my facebook page. I rest my case.

Tags: childfree, pronatalism
Posted in Childfree still need support, Is a childfree lifestyle an acceptable, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

August 20th, 2013 by Marcia Davis

CALL TO ACTION AGAINST PRONATALISM

I received an announcement for an upcoming chapter meeting from a wonderful women’s business support group called, ” Women’s Prosperity Network”. I’ve been thinking of joining because I’ve learned that writing a book is the same as having a small business if you want it to reach more people.

I was taken aback when the guest speaker for the next Palm City/Stuart group, chose the topic, “GOING FROM MOMMY TO MOGUL”. OK. It’s the name of her book. I have no objections to that. However, nowhere in the ad for her appearance does it suggest that anyone can learn from her book. When I wrote to the chapter president, who I know to be an incredible, inspiring woman, that night, I received an email from that guest speaker. She was defensive and angry and thought I was writing against her book or the title. OF COURSE NOT! She has the right to have her own niche in writing as I do in writing about the childfree-by-choice.

She’s speaking to a group of women. Period! Women. Is everyone in this support group a mother? Can it be that some are infertile? Or how about the one out of five woman choosing to remain childfree -by- choice?

It’s a dangerous and potentially harmful conclusion to think this topic wouldn’t be offensive to the women I just mentioned. For those sitting on the fence, it encourages the thought that of course, “success” comes with that revered title of , “Mommy”.

If we want pronatalism to stop, we must take the time to educate and express our feelings. They are real. They are important and, in my opinion, must be heard.

Women’s Prosperity Network is now global. I urge you to share your heartfelt feelings.wpnglobal.com. If we sit back, nothing will change. Right?

Posted in Childfree Blog Posts, Childfree still need support, Pronatalism/Policies exhaulting the status of birth., pronatalistic article, pronatalistic blog posts, Societal Responsibilities | No Comments »

May 30th, 2013 by Marcia Davis

My Memoir is Born

confessions-childfree-woman-marcia-drut-davis

It’s been a long and difficult birth. After four years of labor, experiencing the frustrations of writing, rejection and revisions, my creative “baby” is now available. The EBook is available on www.amazon.com. (You can read sample chapters by clicking on the book to the left on this page.) Within days of this post, the printed version will also be available. I’m in awe of this accomplishment and how many people share this joy. I’m also shocked at how many people I thought would be supportive, are not. It doesn’t matter. From reading the reviews, hearing the reactions and knowing this book can touch the lives of others, I feel proud.

Yesterday, I saw my first royalty check. After doing a happy dance around my office with my husband Jim and Pippa (our rescued Chihuahua) another thought entered my consciousness. People accused me, in the past, of not being able to “live on” because of not procreating. As more and more readers experience my words, I’m doing that! Touching the future by supporting personal choices society still may label as “selfish”, makes me smile. How many other childless-by-choice (or childfree) people give back to others or this planet through a myriad of loving, caring ways? How many others suffer unnecessarily because they’re labeled as “barren”?

I pledge to you, my readers and cyber-space family, my commitment to answer any and all questions. No question is “stupid”. If I can’t answer that question, I’ll find another who can. I realize there are many other books out there and encourage you to read as many as you can. What I offer is a mature, experienced lifetime of living in childfreedom. I’m not trying to push it in your face. I will never say having kids is awful if that’s your choice. I will say to be careful. Pronatalism is dangerous and can make you feel you’re crazy for not wanting to raise a child. I urge you to read, “The Baby Matrix” by Laura Carroll (amazon.com) to learn more about pronatalism. Having or not having children is, in my opinion the most important choice you’ll ever make. Children deserve careful consideration, don’t they? You deserve to be be true to your own wants and wishes in this life.

I look forward to hearing from you on this blog, meeting you at speaking engagements or maybe skyping. Thank you for being there for me and acknowledging this topic is still important when more choices are available… but the myths and pressures live on.

Posted in Childfree still need support, Infertility, Memoir ! | 2 Comments »

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