Sadly, she died in 1995 from cancer. Now, it’s up to us to continue her dream and make the childfree lifestyle a viable choice

Thank you so much to all the childfree men and women who sent in nominations for International Childfree Man and Woman of the Year.  The winner will be revealed on Non-Parents Day.  In case this is your first time celebrating, Non-Parents Day is August 1.  I hope you’re planning to celebrate your childfreedom this year. You can do it small, with a lovely dinner alone or shared with a caring heart or bigger with friends/family who support your choice.

I know I’ll be busy looking over the nominations with the rest of the childfree panel. I wanted to write this post to share some things on my mind having nothing to do with the contest..

The first thing is an important piece of advice on childfree dating.  I recently read about a childfree woman who got divorced from her husband, because she told him she didn’t want kids after they married.  She wasn’t sure if she wanted to have kids when she married him and never told him that important fact.  BIG MISTAKE! He didn’t stay with her.

I’m sharing this story so you don’t have to go through the same thing.  Be upfront when dating about your lack of desire to have children before things get serious.  If you aren’t sure about children you need to be honest and tell the other person how you feel.  This will save you a lot of heartache in the long run if your potential mate wants to be a parent. You may want to join a CF meetup or organization to insure you’ll meet like-minded people.

The second thing  is my response to a very inappropriate blog article that many of you have already vented about on Twitter.  According to this audacious article even though we choose not to have kids we need to help take care of other people’s children!. This counterpoint is on behalf of childfree men and women everywhere.

Point Counter-point:

Don’t Have Kids? Help Out Those Who Do!

Posted on Medium.com

Written by Elissa Strauss.

Point Counter-point by Marcia Drut-Davis, Author: Confessions of a Childfree Woman

When Ms. Strauss suggests to the childless or childfree-by-choice that all children should be our problem too, I had to sit back and breathe.  After regaining composure, I decided to bring facts to light apparently Ms. Straus never knew:

1. To suggest we, the childfree may have kids someday and feel the same way is ignorant. To threaten us with bad Karma is immature and ignorant. Just as parents make choices to have children and may feel happy, childfreedom is embraced and relished. People who may change their minds have many opportunities to have children. people who don’t like parenting, can’t get out of that choice easily.

2. Referring to her Whitney Houston quote, “Children are our future” although not cited as to where that quote came from, Ms. Strauss suggests it’s our responsibility to help a parent out! Has she seen the statistics of how many childfree/less people happily volunteer in a myriad of child-centered ways through organizations, mentoring or sending in their hard earned money? No Ms. Strauss. It’s not our responsibility to feel pressured to do anything for anyone’s children. Parents chose the career. Parents should take time to understand what that career entails and whether or not they can accomplish the demands or have what it takes to fulfill those needs if raising children. That’s why many of us never wanted it.

3. It’s true the US doesn’t have mandatory parental leave and falls short on reliable childcare.  Didn’t Ms. Strauss know that before she chose to become a parent? Sharing the feelings that we should have a communal approach to raising our children is ridiculous. There are many who, quite frankly don’t enjoy children. There are many who shouldn’t be near children. There are many who passionately care for children during the day in teaching, nursing or other child-centered careers and just want to chill when they get home.

4. As for getting negative attitudes when children are brought to restaurants, it’s not the children as much as the parents who seem to be clueless how to teach children behavior in public places. We must endure primal screams, parents allowing their darlings to walk to our tables for attention, smelly diapers and other awful experiences. If we say anything, we get the ugly stares. If we want to order a child’s portion because we’re older and can’t eat as much, or are students faced with limited income it’s not allowed.

5. Regarding parental leave and government- subsidized childcare, who pays for that? I guess we, the childfree/childless must do that too? To even mention reproductive rights getting more money is sad, in my opinion. Any money for pro-or con reproductive rights is from those lobbying for or against it.

6. Ms. Strauss finished her rant with “It’s as if everyone is telling us, Mom and Dad, you’re on your own.” I have no argument with that. Absolutely right! If you can’t take care of your own, can’t afford your own and can’t commit to the requirements of having a child… don’t! Please don’t tell those of us who can’t have, don’t want to have or shouldn’t have kids we’re responsible for your children.

Finally, I feel bad for Ms. Straus. She’s been the innocent victim of pronatalism. She’s probably heard from her youth when her first dolly was placed in her arms, having a baby is a biological destiny, filled with joy. If she’s a religious person, the mantra of “Go forth and multiply” has been drummed into her head. If she’s sees ads extolling this or that product with that adorable baby (having nothing to do with the product) she wants to have one of them. If she sees magazine covers with famous women showing off their huge bellies, she wants to be like that and get all the attention. She probably never had any realistic education in her schooling about the realities, not the myths of raising one child. I’m sure the joys of the childfree lifestyle were never mentioned as a viable choice.

I suggest Ms. Strauss rants at that and not us, the childfree/less people.

The weekend is here.  I’m grateful for that.  As you know, living childfree is very fulfilling. Therefore, schedules can be quite full during the week. I thought I’d change things a little this weekend while sharing some thoughts with you.

The first thing I’ve thought about is the praise I’ve received from the men and women who read my book.  I feel overjoyed, and sometimes brought to tears when I read your heartfelt messages.  It means the world to me that you’re  helped or supported reading my memoir.  It’s truly the highlight of my childfree legacy  considering the world told me I would never have this moment.  Here is a big cyberspace hug to everyone.

The second thing I’ve  thought about is the power of Twitter and Facebook.  Thank you to all the childfree men and women who have  interacted with me through that media. I love reading your answers to the questions I post.  I also enjoy reading your comments on different childfree videos and blog posts that I post. Please continue doing that. You’ve made me feel like a welcomed member of the online childfree community. For that, I’m very grateful.

If you ever have  questions or need any advice, please ask.  There are no stupid questions. I’m always available for me childfree friends.  If I could meet you all, I would.

The third thing I’ve been thinking about is an article that extols parenthood to the nth degree.  There were so many points made in this article that didn’t sit well with me.  I wrote counterpoint reflections after each point Ms. Zipp  shared.  There will be more point-counterpoint reflections in the near future.

Feel free to comment too!

10 Ways Motherhood Makes You Feel Younger.

By Michelle Zipp

Point, counter/point

By Marcia Drut-Davis, Author “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”

Sometimes, I shake my head in disbelief when I read something that doesn’t make sense. Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m sure the woman who wrote the 10 ways being a mom made her feel young shared honest feelings. The danger is when people read this and think, “I’m missing that! I want to feel young too and I have no kids.” For those people, here’s my take on 10 ways not being a mother can make you feel young.

1. Halloween Dress Up. I don’t have to spend hours walking with my children door to door then sifting through their candy looking for needles or poison. The stress of Halloween is gone making me feel younger and peaceful while parents are worrying, watching and caring for their children as they should.

2. Taking Naps with Kids. I prefer choosing when and if I want to take any nap. Love those rainy days when I snuggle in my bed with a good read and drift off to a wonderful, refreshing nap. Parents have to grab them when they can, if they can.

3. Playing with Kids Toys: I have my own toys: my Kindle to read great books, my tennis racket to enjoy when and if I want to, my piano to sit and enjoy when and if I want to, my gardening tools to use when and if I want to, my mat to do yoga when and if I want to, my beach chair and blanket to use when and if a I want to and so much more. (The “when and if I want to” words aren’t any part of a parent’s lexicon unless they have a nanny.) My husband has a model train room with his own toys. No kids interrupt this hobby. He gets to do it whenever he wants to.

4.Watching Cartoons Parents can feel “high on a cloud” watching Yo Gabba Gabba. Really? I prefer to watch my own amusing TV or no TV at all. Yo Gabba Gabba isn’t high on my list.

5. You feel like you know nothing. That’s making you feel “young”? In my opinion, that makes you feel dumb! It’s true parents know very little about how to raise or take care of children. I would find that to feel frustrating and even frightening and not youthful.

6.You’ll Dread Prom Night . In my opinion, this does not make anyone feel younger! In fact, it helps grow earlier gray hairs worrying about the safety of child on that night. For me, not worrying about whether or not my daughter will engage in sex and not be protected or whether my son will drink and have a car accident makes me feel older, not younger.

7. Acne Really? You want to feel younger by having hormonal acne after having a child? Really? I prefer going to get a rejuvenating facial and not worrying about the expense or time I spend there. That makes me look and feel younger.

8. Playing loud music and singing. I do it all the time in the shower and my car, alone, without hearing, “MOM! Stop that!

9. Running  I agree. Running can make you feel better and help you stay healthier to preserve youth. However, I choose to run when I want to and not after kids all day. (Or, taking them to all their after-school activities.)

10. Amusement Parks Did I really read that sitting on a toddlers choo-choo train is fun and makes you feel young? I prefer Disney adult rides than waiting for hours to go round and round in a boring ride feeling my butt stuck to the sides of the seat.

Feeling younger is a result of lifestyle, heredity and wise choices. For me, living the childfree lifestyle gives me opportunities to take better care of myself and enjoy life.

At 70 years young, I’m going strong, look terrific and can’t wait for what happens next.

 P.S. If you enjoyed this post, you may be interested in reading my book.

Living Childfree by Choice Reading List: July 5, 2013

I hope all of my American childfree friends are enjoying their 4th of July Weekend.  Since I live in South Florida where the sale of fireworks are legal it’s been more like a 4th of July week.  In fact, I believe the festivities began last weekend for some Floridians. As you know we have an event of our own to celebrate.  International Childfree Day, formally known as Non-Parents Day , is coming up quickly.  There are only 10 days left to send in your nominations for International Childfree Man and Women of the Year.  Please remember that self-nominations are welcome.  You may not be familiar with the childfree panelists so I thought I’d introduce you to some of them with the living childfree by choice reading list.  You can familiarize yourself with them by reading the blog posts listed below.

Enjoy your weekend. Please get  your nominations ready so you can fully participate in International Childfree Day.

Living Childfree by Choice Blog Posts

Having the “ No Baby Talk ” – Are you in a new relationship or just about to make a lasting commitment to your significant other?  No matter where you are in the current timeline of your relationship, eventually you should talk about having or not having kids.  Patricia Pedraza-Nafziger talks about this subject in greater length and gives great advice in her blog post.  This is definitely childfree relationship guidance that you should read and share with your friends.  You can read more about Patricia and how she has been living childfree by choice for 27 years on this page.  Eric Nafziger collaborates with her on these childfree articles.  Have you had this talk yet?

Discrimination Based on Reproductive Choice – In this revealing childfree blog post Laura Caroll shares the story of how one childfree woman was discriminated by a group of supposed “highly educated” men and women.  What happened to her is very offensive and shows that we still need to stand up for ourselves in a world that would happily brush us under the rug.  Kuddos to Laura for sharing this story with the world.  You can read more about Laura and how she has shed abundant light on pronatalism here.   Have you ever been discriminated for being childfree?

Be Fruitful and Multiply! – As a childfree person you’ve probably had the bible quoted to you more than a child attending Sunday School in the Bible Belt.  Well, thanks to Lance BlackStone of werenothavingababy.com you can finally have something to say when someone reminds you that the bible says to be fruitful and multiply.  His pithy blog post on this subject is exactly what the childfree community has been waiting for.  You can read more about Lance and gain insight on the life of a childfree man on this website.  How often have you been told to be fruitful and multiply?

Dogs Bond Like Babies – Some childfree dog owners feel a strong connection to their dogs and a new study suggests that their canine companions bond with them.  Amy Blackstone introduces this study in her blog post and talks about the comparisons people make between having a dog and raising a child.  You can read more about Amy and her musings on childfreedom here.  So, do you consider yourself a puppy parent or a privileged dog owner?

I hope you enjoyed this edition of the Living Childfree by Choice Reading List.  What did you find the most interesting?  Do you think you know the panelists a little better?  Do you think Eric and Lance should collaborate and let the world know more about childfree men?  Let the world know in a comment below.

P.S. Be sure to email me your nominations in soon.  This is your chance to be a part of a worldwide childfree nominations.  Self-nominations are welcome.

Living Childfree by Choice Weekend Reading List: June 28, 2013

They say, when it rains it pours.  That has been true figuratively and literally for me this week as it has been raining on and off in South Florida.  I also have been very busy preparing something very special for all of my childfree friends.  I can’t tell you about it yet, but you are going to love it.  Despite having a hectic week, I still found the time to put together this reading list for everyone who is living childfree by choice.  Whether you are going to celebrate the Fourth of July a little early this weekend or catch up on some gardening,  take the time for some well-deserved childfree reading.

Living Childfree by Choice Blog Posts and Books

Thoughts on Childfree versus Childless and Other Labels People Throw Around – This interesting blog post is from a woman who feels more comfortable with the term “childless” for herself.  In this post she expands upon the differences between the childfree and the childless.  She also touches on some of the similarities that the childfree and the childless share.  She gives great insight into what it feels like to be a woman who wanted children, but couldn’t have them.  Do you have any friends that are childfree by chance?  Do you feel you share some common ground when it comes to insensitive questions?

Childfree Guilt: There Won’t Be Any Grandkids – There are some childfree men and women who feel guilty for not “giving” their parents grandchildren.  In fact, their own parents may have a lot to do with it by constantly hinting at the desire to be a grandparent.  I dealt with this type of prodding myself and I talk about it at greater length in my book.  Anyway, this  blog post is about a childfree woman feeling that very guilt and asks for help in an advice column. Did you ever feel this type of guilt?  How did you deal with it?

“Stay Outta the ‘burbs,” a Blogger Tells the Childfree. Yikes! – This childfree blog posts will make your jaw drop.  It’s in response to a very ignorant blogger and I’m glad  Ellis and Cheryl Levinson called him out on his hateful post.   Apparently, this man believes that the childfree shouldn’t live in the suburbs.  He also thinks that the childfree shouldn’t live in houses.  Frighteningly enough, that sounds like a childfree relocation program.  Has anyone told you that you shouldn’t live in a house in the suburbs?  Did your realtor ask you how many kids would be moving into your new home?

Being Fruitful Without Multiplying: Stories and Essays from around the World – Don’t you love the title of this new childfree book?  The title alone speaks volumes about this collection of childfree stories and essays.  As you can plainly read, they are from all over the world.  This would be a great addition to any childfree library.  Wouldn’t it be great if this blossoms into a series?  Maybe some of us will be in it?  Have you shared your childfree story?  Do you blog about childfreedom?  Do you have a childree book of your own under way?

What did you think of this living childfree by choice reading list?  Let the world know in a comment below.

Living Childfree by Choice Weekend Reading List: June 21, 2013

Are you living childfree by choice?  If you are, then you’ll  enjoy the reading list I compiled for this weekend.  The weather hasn’t been  sunny in South Florida this week which means I had extra time to spend to find interesting childfree blog posts.  I hope you enjoy this edition and make good use of the content.  Share this list with other childfree friends and family if you find it useful or entertaining.

Be sure to leave a comment below to let the world know  you’re happily  childfree by choice. Keep up to date with the online community. It will make you smile.

Living Childfree by Choice Weekend Reading List: Blog Posts and Articles

‘BINGO’ GETS A NEW DEFINITION, COURTESY OF CHILDFREE ADULTS – Living childfree by choice takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage.  You’ll find that many people do not accept your decision and make it their personal mission in life to berate you.  That means besides being strong and courageous, you must also have the ability to make light of certain situations.  This blog post talks about one of the ways that you can laugh off the criticism you receive from “well meaning” friends and family.  Read it before someone has the chance to to say, “You’d make a great parent!”  🙂

Pro-Choice: Choosing Not to Parent – Choosing to be childfree is a valid reproductive choice.  You might not have been told this before, but you can live a very happy and fulfilling life without ever having children.  You can also be married and not feel a shred of guilt for not having “fruitful union”.  The choice is up to you.  It will always be up to you.  This excellent blog post delves deeply into the reality of being a childfree women and what this lifestyle has meant to the author.  Melissa McEwan is a very talented writer.  Her blog posts do not disappoint.   Did you have a strong childfree role model when you were growing up?

Unapologetically child-free – Is their a culture that openly accepts people who live childfree by choice?  I’m certainly not a member of one.   This blog post gives you a look into the life of an Indian woman whom is childfree.  Her family may want her to be a mother, however that’s not what she’s chosen.  She’s content without children!  Do you refuse to apologize for your childfreedom?

Are child-free restaurants unfair? – Childfree people are used to dining without children.    It’s refreshing to have the option to be able to go to a restaurant and dine among other adults.   It’s unfair for the childfree to remain unrecognized in our society. After all, there are plenty of restaurants that cater to families with children.  Why shouldn’t there be a couple of establishments that suit the needs of childfree families? This article broaches the subject of childfree dining while letting you know how your opinion counts.

What are your thoughts about living childfree by choice?  Let me know in a comment below.  I love hearing from the childfree community.

P.S. Check out my book on createspace.com.

Childfree Weekend Reading List

Hello childfree men and women.  The weather in South Florida is finally starting to clear up.  Maybe I’ll go to the beach with Jim or take Pipa to the park. I’ve had a busy week with my book coming out in softcover. I’ve been signing books for family and friends because the two week special allows them to purchase it at a lower fee before the real launch.  I want to relax.  I need to relax. I will relax. Ah yes. The joys of being childfree.

Whether you’ll be relaxing by the pool this weekend, punching the time clock or taking a week-end course , take time for yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? If you take some time to read this edition of the childfree weekend reading list, I think you’ll love it. Please let me know what you think of this list in a comment below.  I love hearing from people in the childfree community.  This is your place to have your voice heard.

Childfree Reading

Childfree/Childless & Looking for Love – Are you looking for a relationship with another childfree man or woman? It can sometimes be difficult to navigate your way around the online dating world.  This article discusses the realities of childfree online dating and gives a couple of tips on how you can find other childfree men and women on major dating sites. Make sure you invite me to your wedding if this article helps you, but please don’t seat me at the table full of uptight people.  Thank you.

Childfree & Childed: Changing the Conversation – This thoughtful blog post talks about improving communication between parents and the childfree.  According to this post, work can be done on both sides to create lasting change for the better.  Are you up for this challenge?  Are you ready to change the way you refer to parents and their lifestyle?  Read this post to find out more.

The Lonely Life Of Child-Free Couples — Not! – Have you had a tough week? Do you need a good laugh? This childfree blog post may be one of the funniest ones that I’ve ever read.  This hilarious “letter” from a happy mom reveals how lonely the childfree must be.  You may burst a seam reading it.  I think I might have to print this one out for my personal collection of comedic writings.   Let me know if you’ll be putting this blog post on your refrigerator.

Childfree By Choice: How Young Is Too Young To Choose? – Why does it have to be so difficult for some women to have a tubal ligation?  This blog post shares the experience of a young lady who is repeatedly denied the opportunity to have her tubes tied.  Do you think doctors should be able to interfere in the lives of their patients like this?  Do you think there is a double standard in the medical community when it comes to reproductive rights?  It seems that doctors will postpone a tubal ligation, but will be more than willing to help a couple conceive a child. What’s your opinion on this issue?  Where you ever told that you were too young to have a tubal ligation or a vasectomy?

What did you think of these childfree blog posts and week-end reading lists?? Did you learn anything new?  Are you still laughing about how lonely we are?  Let your opinion be known in a comment below.

P.S. Check out my book on createspace.com.

Childfree Weekend Reading List – June 7, 2013

Childfree men and women, it’s the second weekend in June.What a rainy week it’s been in South Florida.  Don’t fret if you find yourself stuck inside.  You can make a cup of tea or coffee and catch up on what’s going on in the childfree world.  If the sun is shining where you are, you can ice your beverage of choice.

This reading list is full of blog posts and articles I hope you’ll enjoy.

Be sure to let me know what you think in a comment below.

Childfree Blog posts and Articles

Childfree 101: Cultural Reproductive Coercion – Being childfree is a choice that’s often not respected by the people in our lives.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that people badger you about it.  Unfortunately, some people find themselves in a primary relationship where their partner uses reproductive coercion as a way to control them.  Reproductive coercion can also rear its ugly head under the guise of a compliment from a friend or family member.  How may times have you been told you would really make a great parent?  Have you ever been in a romantic relationship where you were the victim of reproductive coercion?

How can we stay friends? What moms and childfree women want each other to know. – Have you grown apart from any of your friends who chose parenting?  Are you trying to keep your “mom friends” in your life? This thoughtful blog post covers that exact topic.  You’ll find out what parents wish the childfree knew and what the childfree want parents to understand.  You may be able to use the information in this blog post if you find yourself drifting away from one of your closest mom friends.

Coming Out of the Child-Free Closet – Coming out of the childfree closet can be difficult for anyone.  Making that declaration comes with its own set of unique challenges when you’re coming out as female rabbi who embraces childfreedom!  This article highlights a few of these women and  how they confronted their community.  Sometimes they find it difficult to tell the truth about the life they were born to live.  Are there any childfree leaders in your community?

childfree dot com: some childfree online communities you might want to join or visit – Do you ever find yourself wishing you knew more childfree people?  While you might not be acquainted with a large amount of not-moms and not-dads in the town that you live in, you can still meet plenty of proud childfree people on the internet.  This blog post covers a couple of the good ones.  Are there other online childfree meeting places that you know of?

P.S. – A coupon for the soft cover edition of my book will soon be available. Happy dance. 🙂

What do you think of this childfree reading list?  Did you learn anything new?  Let me know in a comment below.

Childfree men and women, this is the first weekend in June.  Whether you plan on a fun filled day at the beach or having a barbeque in your backyard, this is the time of year to enjoy your childfreedom even more.  While you take some time to relax, why not read some interesting childfree blog posts and articles?  I’ve scoured the internet to find information on childfreedom for you to enjoy on this lazy June weekend.

So, go ahead and take a look at this childfree reading list and let me know if you think anything else should be added to it.  (Contact me on Facebook)

Childfree Blog Posts and News Articles

Not Every ‘Child-Free’ Woman Is Going to Change Her Mind – As a childfree woman or man you may come across people who think you’re going through a weird phase in your life.  They may believe that you’re not secure in your decision to be childfree and that one day you’re going to change your mind.  The situation can turn ugly if you’re dating someone who thinks this about you. Your job is to be honest from the start.  Do you let people know from the get-go that you don’t want to have children under any circumstances?  Leave your reply below!

Childfree Is Not a Synonym for Wealthy Some childfree stereotypes are truly pervasive.  You’d be surprised to know how many people think that all childfree people are well-to-do in spite of their career choices.   After all, I’m currently typing on a keyboard made of gold.  (Just kidding.) My keyboard is platinum. I bought it at the annual meeting of really rich people who didn’t have kids.  This hilarious stereotype must have gotten to me.  Maybe I should read this blog post again?  Are all of your childfree friends rich and famous?  I want to know. Please comment below.

Child-free by choice: Real women who say “no” to kids – This article highlights four incredible childfree women of various ages and backgrounds.  It’s nice to see this type of post on a website that isn’t dedicated to childfreedom.  These women are happy they aren’t parents. They share some of the reasons they decided not to have children.  I thought 74 year old Linda was very entertaining.  Maybe next time they’ll interview childfree men.  Do you relate to any of these ladies?

The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life – This article is about a mother of two who never wanted to have children at all and is extremely interesting from the childfree point of view.  How often do you have the opportunity to read about a parent who truly wishes that they had stayed childfree?  As you read this post, you’ll find out exactly why you shouldn’t have a child to make your spouse happy.  Do you think children bring a marriage closer or can they challenge that marriage negatively?

My PERSONAL Reasons To Remain Child-Free – Childfree individuals are often asked why they aren’t parents, when most of the time parents aren’t asked why they didn’t remain childfree.   After all, only caring people interrogate the childfree. Inconsiderate people question parents.  This blog post lists the reasons why a young woman decided to stay childfree.  Do you share any of these sentiments?

I hope you enjoyed this childfree reading list.  What did you gain from reading these blog posts and articles? Let us know in a comment below, because I love hearing from other childfree people!