Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
May 30th, 2013 by Marcia Davis

My Memoir is Born

confessions-childfree-woman-marcia-drut-davis

It’s been a long and difficult birth. After four years of labor, experiencing the frustrations of writing, rejection and revisions, my creative “baby” is now available. The EBook is available on www.amazon.com. (You can read sample chapters by clicking on the book to the left on this page.) Within days of this post, the printed version will also be available. I’m in awe of this accomplishment and how many people share this joy. I’m also shocked at how many people I thought would be supportive, are not. It doesn’t matter. From reading the reviews, hearing the reactions and knowing this book can touch the lives of others, I feel proud.

Yesterday, I saw my first royalty check. After doing a happy dance around my office with my husband Jim and Pippa (our rescued Chihuahua) another thought entered my consciousness. People accused me, in the past, of not being able to “live on” because of not procreating. As more and more readers experience my words, I’m doing that! Touching the future by supporting personal choices society still may label as “selfish”, makes me smile. How many other childless-by-choice (or childfree) people give back to others or this planet  through a myriad of loving, caring ways? How many others suffer unnecessarily because they’re labeled as “barren”?

I pledge to you, my readers and cyber-space family, my commitment to answer any and all questions. No question is “stupid”. If I can’t answer that question, I’ll find another who can. I realize there are many other books out there and encourage you to read as many as you can. What I offer is a mature, experienced lifetime of living in childfreedom. I’m not trying to push it in your face. I will never say having kids is awful if that’s your choice. I will say to be careful. Pronatalism is dangerous and can make you feel you’re crazy for not wanting to raise a child. I urge you to read, “The Baby Matrix” by Laura Carroll (amazon.com) to learn more about pronatalism. Having or not having children is, in my opinion the most important choice you’ll ever make. Children deserve careful consideration, don’t they? You deserve to be be true to your own wants and wishes in this life.

I look forward to hearing from you on this blog, meeting you at speaking engagements or maybe skyping. Thank you for being there for me and acknowledging this topic is still important when more choices are available… but the myths and pressures live on.

 

Posted in Childfree still need support, Infertility, Memoir ! | 2 Comments »

March 22nd, 2013 by Marcia Davis

My Memoir Is Soon Available

Three years after I started my journey, my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” is about to be available as an Ebook. It took me three long years but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel in trying to get a book published.

This memoir shares how I made the difficult choice not to parent and how that choice affected the rest of my life. As a pioneer in the childfree movement I share the shocking betrayal I felt being interviewed on “60 Minutes” . (The results of that TV interview may shock you too.) I delve into the years I spent as a childfree woman  even sharing those times it may have made me sad. The time of menopause suggested another experience I never would have thought would affect me. Being a stepmother gave me insight into how difficult parenting truly is. Finally, I answer the burning question I’m repeatedly asked  of whether or not, as a 70 year old woman, I have any regrets.

Stay tuned. It’s about to be easy to get my memoir.I look forward to how it helps you.

 

Posted in Childfree still need support, Memoir !, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

December 15th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Are Childlfree People Heartless?

Yesterday, there was a senseless killing of innocent children and adults at at Connecticut Elementary School. There are no words I can find on this keyboard to share my own horror. I am sad, bewildered and terribly upset. There are so many questions still unanswered. One by one, those questions will get answered and nothing will bring back those innocent lives.  I’m also annoyed.

Over and over I hear people being interviewed such as: media spokespeople, police and parents saying, “Anyone who is a parent knows the horror of this situation”. Why is it only parents who feel shock, dismay and bewilderment? Are those of us who chose to remain childfree heartless? Of course I know what that statement reflects . But, it also hurts those  who are discounted as feeling the pain of anyone looking at this tragedy. It’s bordering on the edge of saying only parents can feel the pain. We who have chosen to to raise children are also aunts, uncles, teachers, doctors, nurses, and compassionate people. It’s not just parents who are horrified.

It’s not intentional. I know that. I’m simply showing you the damage of pronatalistic statements.

Posted in Childfree still need support | No Comments »

August 31st, 2012 by Marcia Davis

I Won’t Stop!

Two years and counting. I can’t find an agent or publisher interested in my memoir, “Confessions Of A Childless Woman”. I get rave reviews about the good writing, the teaching and the emotional pull on a reader’s heart. However, I also get the reaction that choice is out there and therefore the topic is not necessary now! Really?

How many of you are still met with confusion and bewilderment after sharing you don’t want to have children? Or, do you get the feeling after they say, “Well….that’s your choice!”  they walk away tsk tsk tsking in their own minds thinking you’ll regret that choice? How many still pretend you’re infertile? Or, if you learn that as a fact, you feel “less than others” as a human? How many of you are getting pressured by pronatalism as your biological time clock keeps ticking in your head?

I won’t stop! Somewhere out there in publishing land, there’s an agent or publisher who will wrap their heart around the importance of hearing from a pioneer in the world of childfreedom. If not, self publication is another option. This book will be published. I promise you that.

Posted in Challenges of Publishing | 2 Comments »

June 16th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Father’s Day Lament

Tomorrow is another celebration of Father’s Day in America. Many dads will be treated to gifts, cards and family gatherings in their honor. Yet, many fathers will not hear from their children, feel the pain of rejection or isolated from the very children they willingly gave their hearts and souls to.

There are no guarantees that every man who has fathered a child will have their children’s love returned. Some children remain trapped in dysfunctional or irrational anger issues. Some children are not able to appreciate those things their father did for them. Some children are isolated from their dad’s from angry ex-wives who have poisoned their minds with false accusations.

Some father’s don’t deserve love from their children! They may have focused on their careers when they should have been present in their children’s lives. They may have become an alcoholic, drug addict or abused their kids. Just the name “mother” or ‘father” is not enough to be worthy of respect, love and admiration. It must be earned. It must be appreciated.

I am a lucky one. My dad was loved and knew that love from me. I have placed a Father’s Day card next to his photo and wish he was alive so I could tell him how much I miss him.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

May 12th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Time Magazine Cover

ARGHHHHHHHH “Are You Woman Enough” is the title of the cover story causing  a ground-swell of negative reactions. I hate to even show this as it may get others to read but honestly, look what it’s saying.

If you’re a Mom, and you aren’t breast feeding till puberty, you’re lacking mothering skills. You’re not, “Woman Enough” . If you’re childless by choice or genetics, you’re less of a woman because you’re not even sharing any close encounters to any child you should be raising.

If only media would stop highlighting pronatalistic nonsense and start sharing real stuff like asking yourself: “Am I parent material? Do I really have enough time, energy and money to raise a child? Am I having a child because I don’t want to be considered an “other” in our society? Am I having a child to get attention? Am I having a child to get myself away from a boring job or schooling?

Placing a woman breast feeding her 4 year old son does more damage than help anyone.

Posted in Expectations of Gender | 1 Comment »

April 11th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Jill Smokler’s book, “Confessions of a Scary Mommy”

I know! I Know! The title is so close to my own, “Confessions of a Childless Woman” chosen years ago. The difference is that Jill chose to be a Mom. I chose not to. She writes about those things Moms know, but don’t want to share. The fear of upsetting the mom and apple pie myth was too great…..until now. To admit to awful realities like: pooping on the table during birth, pretending to come to the end of a bedtime book because she’s finished for that day, the hell of running after a toddler or the boredom of the every day mommy activities made me smile and warmed my heart with gratitude for the publisher who took on this project.

I wonder if this will open a Pandora’s box of honesty? I wonder how many more people can openly and honestly relate the realities of raising a human or two?  I’m not saying everyone should not want this job! It’s an important one. I’m suggesting everyone should know the truths and have the courage to ask themselves if they are parent material and ready to face to agony of raising teens and not just adorable babies.

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Posted in Jill Smokler's Raw Honesty! | 2 Comments »

April 9th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

The Childfree By Choice Still Need Support

Repeatedly, I’ve been told there’s no need for this blog or my memoir, “Confession of a Childless Woman”. People can now choose not to become parents. That’s correct. Yet, if that choice is openly shared, I’m told there’s still the negative stigma aimed at the childfree.

Recently, I posted on goodhousekeepingonyourmind and answerology.com. If you want to read rude comments of anger and annoyance, go there and look for the comments made towards “oldernonparent’. It still blows me away to see such hostility towards those who are open and honest about not choosing the life-long career of raising a child. And, I’m touched by those who still tell me to keep on… keeping on.

What do you think? Is the choice of not raising kids still seen as a negative, selfish decision? Are people openly admitting to this choice or are they still hiding this choice making family and friends think they are putting off kids or can’t have them?

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Posted in Childfree still need support | 2 Comments »

March 12th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Women Under 30: No Marriage! Increased Birth Rates!

Illegitimacy seems to be the new “normal” according to a recent NY Times article. According to this article, “the fastest growth in the last two decades has occurred among white women in their 20’s who have some college education but no four-year degree”.

This reflects a sad fact that even with the growing availability of choice in procreating, and birth control, it’s still the younger women who chooses mothering without even needing marriage. Are they blinded to what it really means to raise a child?  Is the impact of single Hollywood icons having kids luring them to feel mothering is “in”? Is the lack of being able to get a good job with a good salary giving them the alternative to having a baby to give them something to do? How can they afford to raise a child?

The article continues,”The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside of marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems.”I’m not sure about that! In my opinion, marriage doesn’t make raising a child easier or insure success in school.

I may add that children having children can never be a good choice! The average 20 year old has a lot to learn about themselves before they even think about having a child.

 

Posted in Unmarried women Under 30 Having Babies. | 3 Comments »

January 9th, 2012 by Marcia Davis

Beyonce’s New Baby!

Blue Ivy is here. That’s the new child’s name of rapper JZ and Beyonce. Although Hollywood still makes every new baby of any movie or rock star more important than the second coming of Christ, here are some important facts as told to the press: Lenox Hill Hospital had to redecorate her wing and install bullet-proof glass to the tune of 1.3 million big ones. Anyone attending the neonatal unit had to leave for at least 20 minutes to allow JZ and Beyonce complete privacy. This meant parents of severly challenged infants who may have lost the last precious minutes of their child’ s life! The personal home of this couple added a complete nursey with, I’m guessing, around the clock staff for mother, father and child.

Ah yes! Just like other couples or single women choosing to have a child. Look at how people will swoon over Blue Ivy? How many more people will be lured by all the fuss and excitement to claim their own bundle of joy? Sadly, how many won’t have the resources or abilities to parent well? Pronatalism lives on!

Posted in Beyonce's Baby., Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

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